


Concerning Felonies and Babysitters

by petroltogo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Babysitting Winter Soldier, Bucky tries, Child Tony, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of Violence, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Tony is a sweatheart, Unconventional Babysitting, tiny tony, young Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 13:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10438953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petroltogo/pseuds/petroltogo
Summary: “We need to talk,” Tony says with all the grave severity a seven year old is able to convey whilst dangling his feet from a desk, all while calmly observing as his heavily armed companion riffles through the pockets of an unconscious security guard.





	

“We need to talk,” Tony says with all the grave severity a seven year old is able to convey whilst dangling his feet from a desk, all while observing as his heavily armed companion riffles through the pockets of an unconscious security guard.

The Soldier grunts in acknowledgement, causing Tony to beam proudly. It’s taken him a couple of days to get under his silent companion’s skin, but now they’re almost having something approaching an actual conversation. It’s great. One day soon, Soldier is gonna tell him his real name and they’re gonna be best friends and Soldier is gonna wave his huge gun at anyone who’s ever mean to Tony.

It’s gonna be _amazing_.

All in good time though. [It’s what Ana says when she’s baking cookies and he’s not allowed to try one until after they’ve cooled off a little—but Tony thinks the same rules apply probably apply for other things as well.]

For now Soldier is taking paintings off the wall and Tony is supposed to talk about The Rules.

Usually The Rules are set by his minder. _Don’t disable the kitchen appliances_ , for example, or _Don’t set my shoes on fire, I don’t care about what experiment you needed them for_ or _Don’t sneak into your father’s lab_ or _Don’t set anything on fire, ever_.

It’s taken Tony less than four hours to figure out that Soldier isn’t very good with children though—which, Tony can totally relate, he isn’t very good with children either, his mother always tells her friends that with a mournful sigh. And because Tony can be nice and not be a brat, no matter what his father says, (and because he doesn’t want Soldier’s mother to sigh sadly at him) he’s decided to help the poor man out.

And it’s not like Soldier isn’t trying. He bought Tony a hot dog and a lollipop when he complained about being hungry—well, he’s never seen Soldier hand over any money, but Tony’s pretty sure the owner wouldn’t have just given them away, so he must have been sneaky about it. Soldier is very good at being sneaky.

He doesn’t seem to know about The Rules though, which is why it falls to Tony to make them up. That’s exactly what he’s explaining to Soldier now—though he still looks far more interested in the now bare wall.

Soldier makes another sound of acceptance.

“Great!” Tony carefully slips off the desk, then claps his hands together once. “The first rule is that you have to tell me why we’re committing a felony before we do it.”

Technically he’s stolen that line from a joke Aunt Peggy made a couple of weeks ago but he’s sure she won’t mind and it’s also kind of appropriate. “Don’t look at me like that,” he scowls when Soldier turns around to face him, “I just helped you break into a government facility, I’m not _stupid_ ,” Tony crosses his arms and frowns up at Soldier. “I’ve been in one before, you know?” Well, almost. It wasn’t Tony’s fault that the security didn’t check the entire car, and if his father hadn’t found him he would have made it.

Luckily Soldier is already losing interest, his gaze fixating on the bookshelves on the opposite site of the room. Tony spares a second to pity the books for their undignified end before he continues. 

“It’s not that it’s gonna stop us,” he feels the need to clarify, not that it isn’t obvious by now, because if there’s one thing his father has taught him is that laws need to be broken to get things done all the time. “But that way at least I have all the facts.”

Soldier doesn’t disagree, so Tony considers the motion passed.

“What are you looking for anyways?” He tilts his head to one side, watches his friend’s destructive actions with curiosity. “Oh, is it a hidden safe?”

When Soldier bars his teeth—Tony assumes it’s meant to be smile, if not a very good one—he whoops in excitement. This is so great! It’s like a treasure hunt, just with more people for Soldier to punch.

“You should check the desk,” Tony points out, eager to help. “It’s very sturdy, and not in the efficient way. And the-”

He doesn’t get to finish because Soldier slams his metal hand–his _metal hand_ –down onto the surface of the desk and the wood just cracks, pieces flying everywhere. A few, thankfully pretty small ones, get stuck in Tony’s arms, but he’s too hyped up to feel the pain right now. 

Because this is _so_ cool. Because he was _right_. And also because Soldier actually _listened_ to him.

“See, this is what we have the first rule for!” Tony tries to sound reproachful but he suspects the giggles he can’t keep from spilling over his lips ruin that effect.

Then Soldier bends down and pulls something out of the mess—it doesn’t look very interesting, just a couple of those boring files Aunt Peggy carries around with her all the time—and his lips stretch into that terrible, terrible not-smile but his eyes are so bright, and really, Tony smiles pretty enough for the both of them anyways.

Soldier takes a step towards him to ruffle a hand through Tony’s hair almost gently and says, in actual words, “Good job, kid.”

The sound of yelling and heavy footsteps from further down the hall ruins the moment and Soldier reloads his machine gun and gestures for Tony to hide. It doesn’t work out too well, there are just too many men coming in and Soldier has to protect Tony too. In the end, there’s no other choice but to surrender—

By which Soldier apparently means slinging Tony over his shoulder like a sack of wiggly potatoes and jumping straight out of a five store building to the sound of screams and gunfire.

_Best babysitter ever._

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know in the comments what you think! And if you have any ideas for future installments, feel free to share ;)
> 
> If you're interested you're also welcome to check out my other fics and my Tony-centric blog on tumblr [tonystarktogo](http://tonystarktogo.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Have a great week-end, everybody!


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